London Daily
by Kanki Youji
Summary: England's blog. Updated seven days a week - or at least that's the goal. Originally in response to 'Totally Awesome Blog' by Demented inu. Now totally independent and taking YOUR questions!
1. In order to keep things straight

-September 19th 2009-

Good day to all, this is England here.

I would just like to clear a few things up in regards to the idiotic yank's blog post.

Not that I read his blog - I do not - I was informed of his complaints regarding my not paying off his debt for him by Portugal, who seems to have developed a weird fascination with the twat.

First of all, of course I am not paying off his debts for him, it is his own idiotic mistake - yes, Alfred, this is your fault no matter how much you want to shift the blame - and I see no reason for me to turn out my own coffers to patch up his holes. He has made it perfectly clear that he does not need help from anyone in the past, and that he most certainly does not want mine. So… Alfred? If you need someone to be your money bag, look elsewhere. I'm fully aware of how little my assistance means to you and as such you will not be receiving any of it.

Also, America is perfectly correct in assuming that I do not care, other than about how it is affecting the rest of us. Why should I? It is his mistake, not mine, and I see no reason to pay any more attention than is absolutely necessary. He's his own country now, he should be able to take care of himself.

As for Patriot Day, if you want to know how he spent it, ask him not me.

- England


	2. Stop complaining, twit

**-September 21, 2009-**

Hello.

I am writing today to inform a certain idiot it yank that he is being a loud-mouthed idiot - more so than usual - and needs to calm down and stop blowing things out of proportion.

Lord help us, but for once I agree with the wine bastard: Alfred, you are being far to melodramatic. You are not the only one who has caught swine flu, and it's not nearly as bad with you as others have had it.

Also, if your going to announce your vaccination you should at least wait until it is not as - or possible more - harmful than the disease itself. From what I have heard - not that I have not been paying any attention in the slightest, word just gets around - your people are getting more sick from the vaccine from the disease.

And as to Yao's energy efficient status… perhaps you should spend less time complaining about him passing you up and put your energies instead towards reducing your own carbon footprint?

Really, Alfred, no one wants to listen to you complain.

Good day to all,

England.

P.S. No, Francis, me agreeing with you about the yank does not mean that I will agree to go drinking with you. I have no wish to find myself tasting your special brand of date-rate drugs.

* * *

**_Footnotes:_**

**_The Swine Flu vaccination has actually proved to be lethal to … I think someone. That's what Davina said. Maybe I should read up on that…_**

**_Anyway, I know that it's been making people sick because it's to high a dose for their immune systems to combat. Be careful when getting it, yes?_**


	3. They Do Not Exist

**-****Twenty-Second of September, 2009-**

Good evening

Today I'll be refuting the idiotic rumors started by the equally idiotic America.

Read this closely: Aliens do not exist. They are not invading because they don't exist.

Read it again. Go ahead, one more time.

Alfred? That was to you.

As to lake monsters? Well, at least that's somewhat realistic. After all, if the Lock Ness Monster exists. I've seen it. So it's definitely a more feasible problem than 'Aliens' which, by the way don't exist, no matter how much Alfred may insist that they do.

So if everyone would please calm down and stop making such a big deal about something that will never happen it would be much appreciated.

There is no need to duck or to cover.

In other news, Francis is being… himself. That is to say he is still being vulgar and attempting to get me drunk off wine that I know for a fact is drugged then flouncing off after Antonio after being told off.

This is the third time this has happened in the last two weeks, and I am truly growing tired of it. Hopefully Spain is as well, it would do France good to get turned out once or twice, then he might stop harassing others quite so much.

Though I doubt it.

Really, sometimes I think I should have just finished him after taking out his precious Napoleon - who he attempted to threaten me with today. Something about not forgetting what it was like to be strong? Really, the old pervert wine bastard cowered and screamed 'surrender' before I even got to finish my threat.

It was almost disappointing.

Rule Britannia,

England

P.S. My logic does not 'suck' Alfred, your people are getting the vaccine because, tragically, they are about as intelligent as you are.


	4. My deepest apologies

-Thirtieth of September, 2009-

Good evening, England here.

My apologies to all about the lack of updating this, as I did title it with the word 'daily' and as of yet have not kept that up to par. In truth, not much has happened that has been worth posting in the slightest, and I feared I would bore my readers with posts about days during which close to nothing happened. More recently quite a bit has happened, and as a result I have been unable to post since.

However, I am here now, and I will do my best to rectify this situation.

As for the series of days during which next to nothing happened…

I had to deal with France being himself, but complaining about every thing the frog has ever done would take to bloody long, and believe me when I say that none of you want to hear that. There was some dispute between Italy and the Kraut, and the little bugger made sure every nation in a three mile radius heard about how the Kraut had scolded him for something or other - I didn't pay attention to the what, if you wish to know, as him yourself. Oh, and America saw fit to break into my old war room and help himself to my old chain mail back from my earliest days as a nation while looking for an idea for his Halloween costume.

By now I am sure that the twat is aware that if he ever dares go near that room again I will declare war on him, allies or no. For the record, anyone who attempts to enter either my chivalry room or my nautical room will meet a similar fate.

I'd like to take this moment to remind France that his Joan isn't coming back either, so he has no right to bring up my Arthur if he doesn't want to think about his lady saint.

During the busier days France, America, and I had to deal with a… situation with Iran. It is somewhat confidential, though I'm sure you all have heard that each of our bosses went out to deal with Iran about this allegation that he has nuclear weapons. That's really all I should be telling you on the subject.

Also, there was a small nations get together at my house recently. Amazingly, nothing was actually broken, though Russia tried to impale Italy with a pizza cutter the first night of the stay. However, all things considered that's about the best he's been at any of our meetings, and I think it should be looked on as a success. Really, though, nothing of interest happened there. At all. So that's all I will say on the subject.

In regards to America's false alarm? I told you so, yank. Aliens do not exist. Let. It. Go.

… and my house is not haunted, idiot, so drop it.

France does drug his wine. The bugger has a whole cabinet dedicated to different things to put in it. As such, never drink anything he offers you, ever, no matter what America might say about the wine bastard's drinks being safe.

Rule Britannia,

England.


	5. Stupid yanks are stupid, that it all

**-Thirty-first of September, 2009-**

Good morning and good day,

England here, and, unfortunately, here all day, thanks to the twat. Thanks to a certain idiotic American - oh, sorry, I'm being repetitive, aren't I? - I have caught the bloody flu.

I'd like to take this moment to send out a message to everyone that is sick:

Cover when you cough, and avoid people who are still healthy. If you get invited to a party, decline, or you'll end up getting all of the guests and most likely your host sick. So do them all a favor and stay home in bed until your better so they don't have to deal with getting the same bloody thing.

Also, Alf-America, it is really bloody inconsiderate of you to both get me sick _and_ complain about my food. You should chose one or the other, and since you've already gotten me sick I suggest you start enjoying fish and chips - not _fries_, lad, _chips_ - biscuits, and tea. Or at least that you stop calling them 'little lumps of coal' and 'food like substances.'

Now, if you will all excuse my early departure I must go and recover that I might continue with my work. I already feel another rain coming on, just lovely.

Rule Britannia (and perhaps give her some warm tea, Tums, and a tissue),

England


	6. First they take my seas, now my work

**A/N:**

_Hey, just putting the word out there that this is a tag-along piece to Demented Inu's Totally Awesome Blog (Which England DOES NOT READ. Really. He doesn't. At all. … though apparently France does… Hunh.), so if you haven't read that, you should. Or you might end up confused._

* * *

-October Second, 2009-

Hello and good day to all.

England here, though I'm not actually supposed to be online at all right now - my Boss will be taking away my computer and other work related items shortly as he apparently doesn't trust me not to try to work while sick. I'm really not that sick at all. Honest.

I'm told I might even be able to drink water by the end of the day, so I don't see what all the fuss is about.

On to the point though eh?

I'm going to kill America. I'm not joshing you, I'm going to bloody kill him.

…. As soon as I'm allowed to leave the house that is.

For now I'll settle for setting some things straight.

Everything he has said (according to an overzealous Frenchman who may or may not be missing a few teeth, which reminds me, I need to clean my front hall rug) about noises and biting my wrist? Is a lie. A blatant lie. Anyone who attempts this will receive the same treatment as France.

So, America, if you are reading this, I am formally requesting that you remove all evidence of this tall tale from all public places at once. Before you are no longer able to.

Also, I would request that you stop making up such stories, it's really quite childish of you.

And that you stop coming over with food that you know full well I'm not going to eat. You'll only get the door slammed in your face. I'm not sick and I don't need you making a big deal out of it. I'm well old enough to take care of myself, thank you very much.

Also, there are no mutant alien embryos living inside of you. Do you want to know why this is? Because Alien's do not exist.

Stop blaming them for your problems and take care of them yourself.

Until I am allowed to return to my normal duties (not to criticize my boss, but I think he is being a tad paranoid about this),

Rule Britannia,

England


	7. I'm gone for one week, and

-October Sixth 2009-

Hello to all,

England here - they've finally allowed me to get back to my duties as a country, being cleared from that whole flu business.

And yet again I am reminded of exactly why I do not take time off.

I spent barely a week away on (forced) sick leave and one of my Boss's workers - I think he must be at least partly one of America's people, because I am certain that no true blue-blooded Englishmen would ever make such an error - managed to let a government document get leaked. The document was about how to keep government affairs from being leaked.

Honestly. And people wonder why I don't take time off?

In other news, I have a word of advice to all of you:

If you are told not to enter a private room or space that belongs to someone else, don't. And if you do anyway, you should be ready to face the consequences. And don't top off the offense by taking and trying on their clothes. Really, this should just be common sense.

(Yes, Alfr-America, this is directed at you - I did tell you not to go in there. You're lucky it was too bloody early for me to actually get mad. I don't think those pants will ever be the same.)

Rule Britannia,

England


	8. I do not understand technology

-September Twenty-Seventh 2011-

Hello, and my apologies to you all.

I am afraid I have not been on as of late... or in fact for the past... nearly two years. I am _terribly_ sorry for this. My computer broke and I had to get... a new one. I still haven't quite figured out how to turn it on without assistance.

Really, technology is far more complicated then it needs to be. I thought that it was made to make our lives _easier_, not uncountable times more complicated. The entire system is utterly baffling and I have managed to catch my printer on fire no less than seven times in the past month. I am convinced that this is due to the new computer, as the old computer hardly has such problems. _That_ one was understandable, and I only needed to ring for help when I needed to find a folder or open my e-mail or run a film on it, now I need help _turning the ruddy thing on_.

It's beyond me. Truly. I don't understand how so many people use these things.

In any case, that's part of the reason I've been gone.

My apologies to all of you.

Due to this it has come to my attention that I may have been ignoring some of my lovely followers correspondence. If I have kindly remind me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. On a related note I will now be taking questions on the blog. I can't answer too many in a day but if you send them in I'll do my best to get to them.

Rule Britannia,

England


End file.
